pennies

7:45 this morning sitting at work. trying to stay awake. trying to not think to much. trying not to let my brain overwhelm my heart, or my heart overturn my brain. trying to keep my sanity. trying to put a smile on. a girl walks in, she hands me a plastic bag full of pennies and nickels to pay for her $5.25 day pass. I want to slap the bitch. and leave. but I don't. instead I count pennies, and scowl as people walk by. I breathe and feel sorry for myself, I breathe and think life hates me, I breathe and think 500 pennies, I breathe and I realize how ridiculous I am being. but I am still angry that I have to count pennies as I try to stay awake and separate my brain and my heart. so I concentrate on breathing. and I count.