shadow moments

Do you ever have moments that you wish you could be rid of? the kind that hurt with a pain deep inside. feeling like it will last a lifetime. the kind that make minuets seem like eternity. moments when all the tears you have dont express how it feels. or all the thoughts you have dont yet summon words. times that are grey when all you need is some light. i find myself pushing at the air, flailing my arms and shifting my weight in attempts to get these moments away. i can't listen to the sounds anymore or watch the pictures play. haven't i made this clear? 

this would make me crazy if there were not the other kind- those moments that i want to hold on to. cant get enough. cherish every second. let me stay here forever. let time stop. using all my strength to tighten my grip. yet resting within something i love. moments i can say right now, this is me. here i am, okay and alive and wait, yes... happy. "pull this moment into a glass, sip it slow and make it last" (norah jones).

Its like chasing shadows around my room. closed in tight. cant get rid of them, always there. "hello little friend, my new found companion from days of old." always with me, always loyal even when i just want to be alone. cant live with you, cant live without you. whether  i want to escape you, or i want to hold on. i can try my damnedest, but ultimately you are just there. changing, taking new shape in my relation to the sun. like all my moments, changing with time, yet always in one. I hate you, I love you. go away, cant get enough. shadowy moments fill me now.  

shadows that dance across the moon. born of a dancer who wades alone, across a sea of glass. swaying to the music made up in her mind. unable to decide if its the rhythm of the waves or the thumping of her heart thats sets her beat.